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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28530828">Underneath Our Rotten Shells</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeoneFromHeLL/pseuds/SomeoneFromHeLL'>SomeoneFromHeLL</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shiki (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abandoned village, Angst, Gen, eighteen years after canon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:35:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,023</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28530828</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeoneFromHeLL/pseuds/SomeoneFromHeLL</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Eighteen years after Sotoba's destruction Toshio finds Seishin, only to set up a belated funeral...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Muroi Seishin &amp; Ozaki Toshio</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Underneath Our Rotten Shells</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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      <p>The gravel road, surrounded by lines of aspens, slithered further. It did so monotonously, like a thread off of a thick ball of cotton. In this dull scenery, Toshio narrowed his eyes, against the blinding rays of the sun, his hands burned on the steering wheel likewise. But that was only a speck compared to the nagging irk, which occasionally pounded in his mind like a pair of bored, passive daemons.</p>
      <p>He was lost... The directions were scarce, and even those didn't make much sense to him, since it was his first time traveling in Osaka's region. Even worse was the fact, that he did so not out of his own violation. The man's tired eyes made a beeline to the mirror and were ricocheted at the back seat. There a stack of folders taunted him... It all started, with a simple request from one of his coworkers from Osaka's hospital. Apparently, the man had gone down with a flu and asked Toshio to deliver a few medical reports back to the hospital. Since this coworker lived rather far away Toshio thought of making a shortcut on his return. That untimely decision was a mistake. One that will eventually eat up his spare time and patience.</p>
      <p>Toshio's car slowed down to a halt, after his eyes made out an upcoming fork in the road. It had no signs. He sighed, gave a peek at his watch, which - to his surprise - showed that a few hours have crawled by already. The man lazily climbed off the old silver car, his drained eyes instantly escaped towards the horizon, opposite from the blaring sun. He gazed at the fields, that sprawled off behind the fence of aspens. Shivering meadows, blooming vegetation and patches of woods on the sides - were all, that he could spot. This kind of view did its charm at calming the doctor's risen frustration. Sure, he was lost, but that could be in his favor.</p>
      <p>His feet inwardly dragged the man deep into the confines of the forest. The interlocked branches, slumbering roots and widely spread bushes took him by surprise. He did not wander in the forests for a lot of years now, simply because this kind of wilderness brought back memories... The doctor clenched his fists, shoving Sotoba away from his consciousness. Eighteen years had passed since the risen flames had burned down the village, so there was no reason for him to dwell on the past. It wasn't as if his theories could change anything.</p>
      <p>Either the forest was rather small or he found a shortcut by accident, but the trees had begun to dwindle and the evening sun welcomed him into a new slate of overgrown meadows, that guarded rundown wooden dwellings. Toshio scanned the area. This obviously had been a community once, perhaps even a village...</p>
      <p>Satisfied with his findings, the brown-haired man took off, exploring the wooden remains along with the framed holes, that seemed like a pair of hollow eyes. They were ladders into a forgotten past. When Toshio curiously peered inside one of the houses, the stench of dust mixed with oil and mold had penetrated his nose, meanwhile his eyes spotted a bunch of holes in the ceiling, piles of clothing and scarce dusty furniture. He could assume, that the people hadn't been living here for quite a few years, if not for a decade. The gloomy interior did not hold the man's interest for long, what had caught his attention by a relentless hook was an ebony dyed tower in the far end. He walked toward it monotonically.</p>
      <p>A foreign ruffle made Toshio pause. He sickly regarded the tower in the horizon and saw a shadowy phantom emerge, then disappear into the confines of the dwelling in a split second. The man stood stunned, he did not imagine to find any people in this remote place. Perhaps that was another intrusive wanderer like him or it could have been a figment of his imagination. Toshio scratched his slightly graying head, whilst narrowing his eyes at the calmly ruffling grassland. He hadn't had those hallucinations for a while now. They had been persistent right after Sotoba's destruction and had gotten to a point, where the doctor couldn't concentrate or shut his eyes without a pill...</p>
      <p>Toshio shook his head, in order to discard his unneeded thoughts. He continued his trek. Soon enough he had made it to the entrance of the tower and his shoulders tensed at the sight of a curved opened door, which was made out of rotten, uneven boards. Its movement had forcefully dragged the wall of meadow to the ground not too long ago. The moss had been cleared near the hole, where the handle was supposed to bulge out as well. All of that stood there as proof, that someone had been here. Toshio looked around, then cautiously slipped inside through the gap of the door.</p>
      <p>Behind the circling steel staircase lay discarded rags, gardening equipment and empty canisters for various poisons or pesticides, passing as their humorless companions. The absence of windows had set the oval formed interior into gloom, although Toshio was sure, that even with a light source, he would not find anything worthwhile... He exhaled and since his interest had evaporated, the annoying irk came back with full force. He was itching for a cigarette - worsening health, be damned!</p>
      <p>That was the moment, that Toshio heard footsteps from above. When he looked up, his lighter slipped out of his hold, causing a loud cling to penetrate the previous silence. The phantom dressed in rags turned around and for a couple of stagnant seconds, they stared at each others' eyes, confused and frightened.</p>
      <p>"Seishin..." Toshio managed to whisper through quivering lips. The foremer monk's blank gaze did not falter and he climbed the rest of the swirling stairs. "Wait!"</p>
      <p>Toshio went after him in a flurry. How many times?.. Just how many times had he seen something like this? Even if this was another one of his damned illusions, he wasn't going to let this one go... He wanted answers.</p>
      <p>"Wait!.. Who are you?" He rasped out, as he made it to the second floor. His voice seemed pleading rather than demanding. "You're Muroi Seishin, right?"</p>
      <p>The silver-haired man sat on a cement windowsill, which was connected to a glassless gap. His eyes were set towards the horizon sleepily, while his palm held up the pallid chin.</p>
      <p>"Seishin!"</p>
      <p>He shivered, then suddenly turned around with widened eyes at the desperate and agaped Toshio, who stood just a few steps away. Finally the silver-haired man rasped out with an unused throat, barely audible enough for the other to grasp.</p>
      <p>"How did you..."</p>
      <p>"Seishin, it's me." Toshio lamented, grasping his own chest.</p>
      <p>"I know, it's you... I thought you were my imagination. Ah, It's better not to talk with those."</p>
      <p>"I... After everything... You went into Kanemasa... I thought they killed you..."</p>
      <p>"You're right." A smirk decorated Seishin's facade, as he gazed into the blurring horizon of aspens. "They did..."</p>
      <p>"What?.. But you're standing in front of me..."</p>
      <p>"I'm dead, Toshio."</p>
      <p>The doctor's eyes widened in fear, however despite this emotion, he stood frozen in place. His mouth had fallen into an agape, but the contents inside his throat could only be guessed, whether it be anger, disgust or grief... In that spare time Seishin continued, whilst nonchalantly shifting his wrist away from his chin.</p>
      <p>"I'm not a shiki... I don't fall into a coma during daytime nor do I need blood to survive, at least I did not need to until this day..."</p>
      <p>"I see..."</p>
      <p>"Ah. It just takes me longer to heal."</p>
      <p>The doctor listened to him, before he hid his hands in his pockets. Besides the relief, that had overtaken him, a sneer manifested. A sneer, that Toshio had been saving for years to rub into his old friend's face - or corpse, as he used to believe.</p>
      <p>"At least you finally stood up for yourself... Can't say I approve of your decision to join the okia-gari. Heh, I suppose, I should have known to which side you were leaning from the beginning."</p>
      <p>"And then what?"</p>
      <p>"... Nothing." Toshio sighed in defeat. "Nothing would have changed. The more I think about it, the more I start to believe, that there had been no salvation for Sotoba... A useless struggle..."</p>
      <p>"You fought, for what you believed."</p>
      <p>"And where did that end up?" Toshio gritted out. "I'm talking about the outcome not idealistic dreams, Seishin. We lost our hometown, our families, friends! We lost each other, our sanity - everything! everything had been ripped away by them!" He fell silent. "And yet I can't blame the shiki entirely. There's no one to blame in the end, because what's the damned point now?"</p>
      <p>"Toshio..."</p>
      <p>"It's been eighteen years. I can hardly see those memories anymore. There's nothing to fix."</p>
      <p>Seishin sat silent, fearful to spare Toshio a glance, fearful to see him breaking like this. It wasn't like the doctor, that he was used to... The silver-haired man suddenly uttered.</p>
      <p>"Then don't look at the past."</p>
      <p>"You can't say that to someone, who's fifty years old..." Toshio emitted a snort and Seishin frowned at his friend's pessimism.</p>
      <p>"You still have your life, Toshio. You are alive, standing and breathing in front of me. You should cherish it until your dying breath. You don't know, when will you die, none of us know that... and... that's why you should greet every day with respect."</p>
      <p>Toshio gazed intently at Seishin's fleeting eyes afterward. His words were easier said than achieved, so he gave them only a speck of attention. In addition, the silver-haired man's fingers ran along the cement windowsill flimsily, Toshio could see something dark poking out just behind the ebony sleeve, that anonymity picked his interest. He frowned after his observation.</p>
      <p>"And what about you?"</p>
      <p>"What about me?"</p>
      <p>"How do you treat your life now?"</p>
      <p>"Toshio, I'm dead." Seishin pointed out, irritably. "I'm nothing more than a rotting shell, something forsaken, that shouldn't even be here... I tried..." His voice faded into a faint whisper. Suddenly he stood up, then after a brief hesitation extended his arms to the sides, the wide sleeves rolled away. There a thousand of dark blotches, burns and cuts emerged. "Can't you see, I<em> tried</em>?"</p>
      <p>"S-seishin, what the hell... Wait a minute, those canisters... Did you..."</p>
      <p>The silver-haired man did not answer, but a strange flicker in his eyes told Toshio the truth. The doctor swallowed with much difficulty, attempting to calm his aching throat, guilt had coiled inside his heart then. The puny silence, that they had created between themselves reigned for a moment or so, until Seishin fought with himself to raise his eyes at his friend.</p>
      <p>"I have a request of you, Toshio. If you intend to come back, then kill me in the next few days. Otherwise, I'll end you the next time, we'll meet..."</p>
      <p>"Seishin... You couldn't..." The doctor took a step back, whilst the former monk's eyes darted between the doctor and the darkening sky.</p>
      <p>"You'll see. I'll be waiting for you."</p>
      <p>Toshio had parted his mouth a couple of times, prompting his brain to say something, yet in the end he stayed silent, crushed. There had been nothing he could say and nothing that Seishin wanted to hear, so the brown-haired male dismissed himself. Seishin's gaze traveled to meet the edge of his retreating frame, which was visible through the window. The night was gradually approaching. And his mind began to stray from consciousness, as it usually did. It wasn't sleep, just simple means of temporary escape, reminiscing was a way to pass the endless wait... He waited through a thousand of yesterdays and expected a thousand more to come his way.</p>
      <p>A clear azure sky had opened up in front of his mind's eye. Two colorful kites had occupied a share of the atmosphere... Bounded by strings, they stayed together, never wandering too far apart...</p>
      <p>Another image took stage then, blurring the previous scene into a mount of grains. He recalled himself kneeling on the side of an old hunters' cabin that night, entrapped inside the wide woods. He shared this hiding spot with Sunako and they hunted in the little village a few kilometers away from their so-called home, although they did so cautiously and only to survive themselves, since the village had good connections with the outside world.</p>
      <p>While Seishin's knees resolutely scrapped against the pebbles and fallen branches, his mind couldn't gloat about having such strength. Chaos had overwhelmed. He escaped Sotoba, he escaped the responsibilities, that had been nailing the man down. Yet somehow this supposed freedom became bitter, his resolution had faded in time and Sunako's encouragements weren't enough to rise him back up. The shiki were forsaken, lived outside of god's jurisdiction, tough as the monotonous years went, that explanation became insufficient, he needed another proof... That was the reason, that he had sat there, holding a piece of broken glass. The sharp shimmering end had run vertically along a vein in the inner elbow and down to the unsuspecting flesh of his wrist.</p>
      <p>"Seishin?" A soft voice echoed behind him. The man's blank pupils met with frightful ones. "Why are you..."</p>
      <p>Sunako became a nuisance... He shoved that thought away again and again, but it was just a matter of time until he gave into that mindset. And so a solution emerged. As irrational and despairing as it was, he still took Sunako's frail body in his arms one morning, then Seishin carried her into bright sunlight...</p>
      <p>Sunako had given him a reason to go on in this forsaken, desolate land... They had constantly fed off of each other's strengths in order to survive. She had paved a path, that he himself would have never dared to go. So why then? Why had he killed the final thread, that had held him upright?</p>
      <p>X X X</p>
      <p>Only after a month did Toshio dared to peek into the rundown, ebony tower. He was afraid, that after climbing the slightly crumbling stairs, he'll find an empty spot near the window. Alas Seishin sat there, one of his legs bent on the windowsill. He seemed to be dozing off. Perhaps somewhere inside, Toshio actually hoped, that he'd be gone, so the doctor wouldn't have to go through this. He held a stake in his hand, a rusted hammer in the other. There had been no going back now...</p>
      <p>Toshio cleared his throat, trying to capture the former monk's attention.</p>
      <p>"Did you ever know, what this community was called?" Seishin sluggishly parted his eyes, shaking his head afterwards. "It was named Nukimura and has been abandoned for several decades now. There isn't even a memorial here... Makes me wonder about Sotoba."</p>
      <p>"You think, time will sweep it away?"</p>
      <p>"Something like that." He admitted sadly, coming closer to Seishin. Toshio stood directly in front of him now. "Our roots, our past, our struggle - it will all be forgotten, once the last of Sotoba's survivors disappear."</p>
      <p>"That's a good thing." Seishin muttered with a hoarse throat, causing Toshio's shoulders to tense. "Some things are meant to be erased, forgotten... Do you remember my promise?"</p>
      <p>"Yeah..." He clutched his now sweaty palms against the wooden items in his hold. "I'm-I'm sorry."</p>
      <p>Toshio's shaky hands placed the stake in the center of Seishin's breastbone, where the vena cava overlaid the aortic arch. The silver-haired man leaned back at the edge of the window, tipping his head upwards and closing his eyes.</p>
      <p>"Don't be..."</p>
      <p>Toshio gave the former monk a wary glance, before he collected his strength and rose the hammer. Instantly the doctor's eyesight began to blur, constricting his view. Alas he frowned, striking down with what was left out of his eroding will.</p>
      <p>At that time an old image breached into the crevices of his brain, a memory, of when both of them had been playing with kites near the temple grounds. That harmless nail was all it took to break Toshio's will. He reeled the hammer, throwing it to the ground as if it had been a cursed object. He discarded the stake soon after as well.</p>
      <p>"T-toshio?"</p>
      <p>"I can't do it!" He palmed his face, gritting his teeth at his own weakness. "I can't, not anymore!"</p>
      <p>Seishin sat in place, staring blankly at the edge of the pure night's sky. It seemed as if he had fallen into a trance, his mind, his thoughts - completely dry and non-existing. The fingers gently clenched themselves into fists, attempting to determine, whether he still possessed a sense of touch. The former monk couldn't grasp that notion. He remained trapped inside this rotting cage of flesh and bones. His hopes had dwindled... After a silent moment, Seishin's lips parted, releasing a hoarse tone from the pits.</p>
      <p>"Leave..."</p>
      <p>Abruptly the silver-haired male felt a grasp on both of his shoulders, his eyes traveled to meet the doctor's distressed and pleading eyes.</p>
      <p>"It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to die, none of us has to! Let's get out of here together."</p>
      <p>"Leave..."</p>
      <p>"Seishin, please-"</p>
      <p>
        <em>"Leave..."</em>
      </p>
      <p>The doctor's hands reluctantly slid away and he gazed at Seishin's eyes frightfully. They portrayed nothing of value, those pupils were grim, empty sockets. Perhaps Toshio should have fought harder, alas he was certain, that he couldn't talk through the other's stubbornness, it always used to be that way. He silently left. A thousand curses could have hurled out of his mind, yet he pinched his lips instead. It was foolish of Toshio to even think, that he could have murdered his childhood friend, neither could he have convinced Seishin otherwise. The former monk had allowed his despairing self to bloom, whilst Toshio had grown weak...</p>
      <p>The doctor's shambling feet pushed the high meadow apart and after a moment his eyes darted back at the shadowy construction, which scratched at the gliding black clouds with its sharp, battered tip. He held the grieving gaze for a while longer, as his fists clenched to a point, where they trembled. A belated funeral had commenced...</p>
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